Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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