$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
