I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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