too bad you live with your parents still
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
