Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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