your room smells of hookers.
And success
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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