where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I did not marry a roomba.
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