I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
