Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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