Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
