i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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