Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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