Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
