My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
