i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
