Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
