So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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