Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
