He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize