it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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