Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Life is so much better after having sex.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
