Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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