I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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