She is in my trunk
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
