I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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