Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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