you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
