Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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