Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
