I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
