Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
