I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have fence marks all over my body
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
