I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize