The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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