Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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