he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
