hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
