i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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