no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Randomize
