My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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