You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
