i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
