He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
