Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
