He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize