Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
