I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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