..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
