i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
