even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
