I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
