I wish I could punch you in the face.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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