K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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