oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Randomize
