thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
