I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
