i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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