I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
being pregnant is like rehab
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
