So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
