Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
