Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
