you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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