nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
