Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you had me at cake vodka
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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