I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize