For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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