This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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