he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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