There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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