Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
