oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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