Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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