We won't sleep together?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
