I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
