Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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