i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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