Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
