His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
where does the pee come out of this thing
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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