If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
