I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Couch. On fire.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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