Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
