He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize