she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
