No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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