That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Alive.
So much puke
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
