Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I booty called her while she was in labor.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
