only if we run a train.
done.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
