it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
