We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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