Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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