Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
