What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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