I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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