apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Quick, to the slutcave!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
