Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
