Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
