To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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