Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize