he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
