I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
