So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
