If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I have post one night stand depression
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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